she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's like iHOP with fire
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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