i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
