strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
me + whiskey = a bad person
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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