I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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