He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
