forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
