We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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