so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's always time for handjobs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
