when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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