I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
