The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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