Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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