I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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