He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
