there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry about my life...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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