quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's always time for handjobs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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