she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
