don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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