I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
