Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
