I need to stop coming to work sober
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
