pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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