I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
