It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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