mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
