I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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