I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
