"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
