Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
