The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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