Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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