So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
