My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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