so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
