I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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