you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize