i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
