Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
