i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
