You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize