some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize