i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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