Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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