one two three fourrrrnication!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
