Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
