What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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