no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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