I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
