Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
