...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
