White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
