i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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