So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
