When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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