I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
