woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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