Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
