like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
