id be glad to
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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