At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
