Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
