just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
