Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
