Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
