I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
