the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it glows. i had to have it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
40s are totally the cure
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
