Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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