Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
